Beyond rewards and punishments
Both research and the growing concerns around children’s mental health worldwide suggest that the behaviourist discipline methods most commonly used today does not give children the support they need to truly thrive. I recently wrote an article for Kindred Media diving more deeply into this topic which you can read here.
“Children are the most in need of loving attention when they act the least deserving of it” Aletha Solter
When we begin with curiosity about what’s really going on for our children, we open the door to deeper understanding and connection. By moving beyond rewards and punishments, we create space to truly listen, meet their underlying needs, help them to release stress and trauma from their bodies and strengthen the bond between us.
Below provides a framework to support your child without the use of these methods. Understanding the 3 reasons why they behave in these ways allows us to support them in a more attuned, attachment and trauma informed way.
The three reasons why children behave in “unwanted ways”
1. They have an unmet need
2. They lack information
3. They have an accumulation of stress that needs to be released through crying raging and laughter.
You can print out the sheet above to explore children’s behaviour in this way. A reminder its a whole new language to learn when we ourselves did not receive support in this way. Reaching out to an Aware Parenting instructor to journey with you can be so helpful.
Hi, I’m Rebecca.
I’m a parent coach, Aware Parenting Instructor, Soul Collage facilitator, and therapeutic play practitioner. I support parents, caregivers and child care professionals in healing from stress and trauma so they can nurture compassionate connections with themselves and the children in their care. If you’d like to explore ways to support your child’s emotional well-being, I invite you to: Join my Substack for insights on parenting, book a free discovery call, and explore my offerings to help you and children in your care flourish.